Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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