So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
