Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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