I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
