You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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