i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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