shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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