I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
