honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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