He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
