And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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