Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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