dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
