Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
