I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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