i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
two words: eviction party
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
