you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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