A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
