Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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