Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
