i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
