Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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