We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
