Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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