why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
