Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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