Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
