so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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