remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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