Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
