Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
