just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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