I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
