I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
