do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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