the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
