We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
