Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
