Pants 0. Shit 1.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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