Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
