doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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