How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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