Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
