can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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