Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
