Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
