I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
