True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
