i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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