Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
