Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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