I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
