So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
