Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
