Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
